Filial Daughter

An ex-colleague informed me a few days ago that her father just passed away. The father, bless his sole, was over 90 years old. Many of us will be glad to live up to that age and deep in our hearts we will consider that there is no great loss in the passing of a person of this age. This case is no different; however there is an interesting tale behind the relationship between the father and daughter.


The daughter was devoted to her father to such extend we can never imagine. They were poor in the past and could not afford most luxuries we now take for granted. She told me that they could only afford to eat chicken during the Chinese New Year dinner. There were not even enough meat to be shared by the big family and the father would always give up his share for his children. This daughter in question had all along appreciated what her father did for the family. She in turn took care of her father in his final years, almost all by herself, with the help of 2 maids. No big deal, you may think. Read on.

The father had a massive stroke about 10 years ago and he could not walk or talk. His condition deteriorated year by year. He apparently lost not only the ability to take care of himself he also lost his senses like most stroke victims do. He had to be fed by tube and cleaned every now and then. Being a big size man, it took more than one person to handle him. Hence 2 maids were employed. Apparently he was rejected by Hospices in Singapore due to his condition.

To make matter worse, he had stomach bleeding due to cancer a few years ago. His cancer could not be operated on because of his stroke. There was no choice but to stop the bleeding by other invasive methods, administered with expensive drugs and blood transfusion. He would be rushed to hospital and stayed in the Intensive Care Ward for several days whenever he bled. This would be as frequent as once a month or even more.

I had to travel with this colleague for business trip to the neighbouring countries and many a time the trips were cancelled at the last moment because her father had to be admitted to the hospital. Whenever she was at home, she would bring her father out for car ride almost every night without fail. She had to forsake most of the other night appointments, when in Singapore, just to be with her father. When on business trips she would call back home for constant updating on her father’s condition. She had to live away from her father as the old man would scream and shout at night due to his condition, and she had to report for work the next morning. In spite of this, she would stay to help take care of her father till after midnight before leaving for home. Imagine doing this for 10 years! She not only devoted 10 years of her life taking care of her father, I believe she used up all her life savings.

Now her father has passed away. Initially, she told me that she could not accept the fact that her father was no more around. What I told her was to reflect on what she did for her father throughout his illness. For most of us, even if we have half her devotion, we will consider that we have done way beyond our duties to our parents. I am glad that when I visited her during the wake, she was not in low spirit. I am sure her father is looking down from above and is extremely glad to have such a daughter.